How to Spend Quality Time With Your Child Without Spending Money

Many parents feel that spending good time with their kids costs money. Thomas Gilovich and colleagues found that shared experiences produce more lasting satisfaction than objects, and Milkie, Nomaguchi and Denny (2015) saw that mothers' time with children aged 3 to 11 is only weakly related to children's outcomes when measured by quantity; how you are with them matters more. What leaves a mark doesn't cost much.

How to do it: four steps

1. Pick a free activity for this week: a walk to the park, cooking together, a treasure hunt at home, a picnic in the yard.
2. Let your child choose one detail of the plan: the place, the game, the food. Choosing gives ownership.
3. Put the phone aside during the activity.
4. Ask at the end: "What did you like most?" That answer tells you what to repeat.

What it's for

For your child: they learn that what's valuable about a day isn't bought; they feel important when you choose to be there. For you: you step out of the pressure of "having to spend" for it to be worth it, and discover that what's most remembered is often the simplest.

What the research says

Gilovich and colleagues (2015) associate experiences with more lasting satisfaction; Ron Lieber (The Opposite of Spoiled) argues that children benefit from seeing that the value of things doesn't depend on their price. The illustrated book Beyond Money is about exactly what can't be bought.

What you'll see over time

• First weeks: they ask to repeat "park day" and propose plans.
• One to three months: they tell "having something" from "doing something together."
• Long term: they grow up valuing time and company, a base for deciding what to spend their money on.

Signs it's working

They tell you the memories; they ask for fewer things as "rewards"; and they propose a free plan themselves. The best plan is the one we do together, even if it costs nothing.