“I'm Not the Only One”: A Mom's Exhaustion Between Work and Parenting

There are days when you finish work, get home, cook, check homework and by the time you sit down it's already late. If you recognize yourself, you're not alone. Isabelle Roskam and Moïra Mikolajczak have studied parental burnout and describe it as a real state, with exhaustion, emotional distance and a sense of ineffectiveness, not as a lack of love.

How to do it: three things for today

1. Pick one priority for the day: what really can't wait. Eve Rodsky, in Fair Play, insists that sharing a task means the planning, the deciding and the doing, not just the doing.
2. Say out loud what you feel: "I'm tired, I need five minutes." Short sentences, no blame.
3. Ask one person for specific help: "Can you bathe the kids today?" works better than "let me know if you need anything."

And write down one thing you can leave for tomorrow.

What it's for

For your child: a less exhausted mom has more patience; the 8 p.m. tantrum stops feeling like an attack. For you: naming the tiredness lightens it (Emily and Amelia Nagoski, in Burnout, explain that stress needs to complete its cycle with rest, movement or contact); asking for help usually brings relief and less resentment.

What the research says

Mikolajczak and colleagues (2018) found that parental burnout is associated with neglecting children and with conflict between partners, and that it isn't the same as normal stress. Prioritizing is a way to manage resources: time and energy get spent and decided just like money.

What you'll see over time

• First days: a little relief from saying it out loud.
• One to three months: you ask for help without guilt and your patience at day's end improves.
• Long term: a family that shares the load, and children who learn that caring is shared too.

Signs it's working

You yell less at 8 p.m.; you sleep or rest a bit more; and someone else takes on a whole task. If the signs persist, talk to your doctor: asking for professional support is part of caring.